12 steps to...

Hi, my name is Venae and I'm a polyamorist!

"Hi Venae" the group responds.

Maybe the 12 step thing can help.  It's not an addiction, but creating a 12 step program for... for what?  Actually I guess it would be for the archaic, culturally created monogamist in me, not the currently evolving polyamorous me - Riiiiiiight?  And I think I could only handle about half those steps....

Hi, my name is Venae and I'm a monogamist...

"Hi Venae" I'm greeted with smiles and nods.

Then I'd tell my story, how I tried for years to break my chain of serial monogamist relationships. And how I'm working hard to stand my ground and find myself and my love/lifestyle.  How I'm learning to love who I am and find my people, my community.  I'd talk about feeling free and open and real in the world.  I would talk about the slow motion relationship and trust building I'm doing with my friends, my ex, my lover and play partners.  I'd talk about the mistakes I've made along the way, the big ones and the little ones.  I'd mention the people I read and the stories I'm told and the love I feel.  I'd be sure to say it's really scary- but mostly when things are hidden and people are not true to themselves.  And I'd assure that room full of people that I'm never going off the wagon.  I'd talk about the other people I know who are polyamorous but not out to their best friends, and how that affects truth and trust and  ultimately their authenticity in the world.  It's okay though, I'm here to focus on me.  I'd tell that room that it's not easy, but I'm positive right now it's well worth the rough spots, disappointment and confusion.  I'd drink lots of coffee with all the other recovering monogamists in the room.   I'd complain that my friends say stupid stuff and change the subject and that they seem to have a don't ask don't tell policy.  I'd talk about how people think it's all about sex, but it's not.  Then I'd see that hot boy out of the corner of my eye.....

I would talk about being tired of dealing with fear and judgment, fear and rage, fear and jealousy, fear and insecurity, fear and disengagement, fear and more fear, mine and yours, yours and mine.

I'm at this meeting because I'm ready to move on and I'm not sure what that looks like because I've never done this before.  But I'm acting with my best foot forward and taking responsibility for my actions and I want you, and you, and you, and you, to do the same.  Pretty soon I'll have to find a sponsor, but it will probably be easier to just get the ball cap.

Eventually I'll sit down, tears of joy and sadness streaking my cheeks.   I'll stay and listen to other people's trials and triumphs, and in the end we'll all stand up and shout,

"Keep coming back, it works!"