end of an era

Early this morning I loaded up a big stainless steel piece of crap I've been dragging around for a long time. It was the structural component of an installation I made in grad school many years ago. I thought I should keep it to reinstall or disassemble and use the piece for something else.

I took it along with some scrap kicking around behind my garage to Metro Recycling, put it on a cart, hauled it in and released it. I got a check for $17.07. I love the significance of that check. Selling one's art is a hard thing to do...

It feels like first light. I'm choosing to live for me right now. And, although my idea of how that looks is not always popular I am feeling strong and capable because of it. My hope is that the people in my life will be able to come on the journey with me. Even just in support of me and my authentic self. I've been coming out, over and over again and explaining myself and my passion for connection and love. Assuming it will just click and I will be understood, accepted and approved. Stamped stapled and handed back with a smile.

The garage is getting cleaned out and the Airstream is wired. Building and painting is happening and the pods that wait in Vancouver Washington are about to be delivered. My things will come, and I will make a home in this little space that was built as my bachelor pad. One bedroom, an open kitchen and living space and the only doors lead to the outside world.

I'm changing the way I live and at the same time figuring out what my true dream is. Thanks to a number of wonderful people I'm brought challenging questions and must consider them deeply. I've invited my partner into my pad and hope we can make space for our things, but more importantly our large leo selves. We look at that floor plan and discuss a bump out here and a second story there. We will make this home right for both of us but ultimately my desire is to build "family" in a way that allows love, openness and ease all the while bringing distinct happiness to each of us.

This house is ripe for renovation, and so am I.